Tweaking

It's the eternal dilemma isn't it? Either too buisy working for a crust to enjoy some creative time, or too poor to make the most of all that down time. I think life is forever struggling to attain/keep a balance.

Going through a bit of a re-evaluating-my-values phase at the moment. Lying in bed this morning, I remembered that the last time I was on a holiday was over a year ago. (I don't think moving house and/or unemployment count.) So my last holiday was in July 2005: in Barcellona and the Provence. And it's been a hard slough ever since.

It's been a crazy time; with me having anxiety attacks and allsorts of psychosomatic simptoms until I finally told Nick I hated my job and wanted to quit. Of course I needed the doctor to tell me I had hypertension, before all that sunk in. I mean, Nick hates his job too and we were even (seriously) discussing the possibility of moving to Sydney so he could take up an offer at Bally...

What constitutes happiness? Is it a compromise? Is it settling for what you've got? I know that nothing hightligths how truly blessed and happy we are until we feel the threat of loss... So happiness is a form of stabiltiy and having all those things we take for granted. Yet, how easily we become restless and unsatisfied!

I don't know. Life's just too complicated. You always want what you ain't got and when you get it, it is something else you strive for. It's exhausting and neurotic.

Or maybe it's all about that constant struggle for balance...

Deep down inside our hearts, Nick and I couldn't commit to moving away. Too exhausted. But also: there is so much that is dear to us here and now. Life may be far from perfect, but it is the life we have made for ourselves and the life we have chosen.

Then again, it is all a journey to somewhere else... and who says there cannot be a bit of tweaking along the way?!